the long arm of the law met itself in nucky’s brother’s necktie’s noose and tom daley sits at the top of everyone’s pile. i look back on myself at that age, doing that thing where you test out the new pink surface in the company of strangers. i’m not sure that i have any more new pink skin to test. 35 is halfway to dead. halfway to nowhere. halfway to nothing. and in the middle of that arc, which is itself not nothing, i get a bit of a glimmer that life is ok only when you think it is and it’s easier to think such is so than it used to be. the new pink thoughts aren’t as raw. i have less to prove and less to gain by trying.
it’s hard to know what you want for yourself. it is one of the hardest things to know. most things you can look up, refer back to someone else who asked the same question. the things for which there are no written answers often have some step you can point to and try out. the things that you want for yourself.. those things change by the hour, so perhaps are not important.